dog → wolf

 Reading this baby. Really good and insightful book! More than I expected! I love it when books do this. Just as this book explained, this feeling of novelty, of mindfuck, changes our perception of the world for a moment.

"your awareness sharpens and your attention zooms in on the unexpected scene - "what the hell!" your preconcious brain utters, and in that very instant your world morphs from an indifferent and impressionistic background into a scene of hyperrealism".

Interesting...

 

 Morning ritual :-)

Story of my life. Let's change it.

7 Stupid Ways Smart People Sabotage Their Success

hey hey hey

Nothing new, but still worth the mention.

Pokem'ambition

Where does your fire, your passion, your ambition, your mindset, your self come from? 

Lately I've been in a pokemon mood and a while ago I was listening to pokemon songs. And check it out. I like all the songs, they're obviously catchy (otherwise wouldn't be appealing). I saw the TV show in portuguese and the songs were in portuguese, but the lyrics were very similar. And I would often listen to the english version in the pokemon official website.

(I LOVE THIS ONE)

 

I could make research on this...how the Pokemon tv series was culturally adapted to the English and Portuguese versions. How the Japanese values were adopted by the English/Portuguese dubbing.

ECONOMICS 101

Even after all this time

The sun never says to the earth,

"You owe me."

Look what happens

with a love like that,

It lights the Whole Sky.

-Hafiz

This poem is in the book "Sacred Economics" that I started reading today.

 

The author has a different perspective on economics, that's why I chose this book to read.

I am also reading "Brave New World", a dystopian fiction work. I love this genre. Another genre I'm going to get into soon is detective/noir fiction. 

So I've been reading some fiction. And I noticed it slows my reading levels down to massive levels but also raised my vocabulary and with this an increase in inner confidence and an improvement in facial and social cues reading skills (because now I can name a whole lot more of facial expressions and emotions, etc). 

But I still need do something about it. I need to read more. And faster. There are many subjects that catch my attention, but that until now (the past year) I never really had the resources/will to read about them.

Books on self development are boring now. There's nothing new to learn. They all look the same to me. Today I started reading one but soon quit because there was nothing new to it I haven't read yet in other books. 

. 

Anyway, this semester I'm taking this class, "Development Economics". Just because I want to have classes on that campus, because I'm interested in economics and want to learn more about it and just because. And I also had another economics class last semester.

Well the thing is, I already had a keen interest for economics and I am fascinated how the world works "economically" and now, because knowing I things work makes me feel good, I decided to read a book about it (if you don't count the three "freakonomics" that is). 

Economics is cool because it makes me feel more in control. In control of what I don't know for sure, but it somehow gives me that feeling. 

I guess both me and economics make up a good marriage. And business. And intercultural communication.

My reading concentration is getting better, I feel like my content retention is somehow getting better, or I just feel that (probably thanks to my better concentration) my comprehension is getting better too. Another thing I feel is that I think this concentration improvement (also from riding bicycle and the "tunnel view") is now presenting itself not just in reading but in other things as well.

Skills Enhanced Abroad

Identify Skills Acquired / Enhanced While Abroad, such as:


"Enhanced cultural awareness and sensitivity to customs and cultural differences * Foreign language proficiency * Adaptability * Ability to identify and achieve goals * General improvement in communication skills * Increased confidence, initiative and independence * Greater flexibility and sense of humor * Awareness of global, economic and political issues and realities * Ability to maintain an open mind and be tolerant of others * Clarification of goals and improved self-awareness * General travel skills * Resource management * Organization * Problem solving and crisis management * Patience * Listening and observation * Specific professional skills and/or knowledge base * Greater cultural understanding and sensitivity * Ability to work in cross-cultural teams and function in ambiguous environments."

http://www.bw.edu/academics/study-abroad/reentry/career/resume/

2 cents on creativity

Just something I've been noticing lately.

Eminem + reading (self development) = high motivation levels and highly creative/inspired state of mind

Reading + morning walk + daft punk = highly creative/inspired state of mind

Going to continue to realize my inner workings from now on. The possibilities are endless. 

Not doing this for any goal attainment but just for the joy and inspiration I feel. For how spontaneous I become and how everything suddenly seems easy. And things that used to scary, don't scare me anymore.

I also realized that up until now I used to excessively over-think.  Lately I've been trying to just stop thinking about things to do, but rather think only about the things I read. As for the real world, I just kind of let it happen. Somehow the world just flows betters when you don't think about it.

One's brain is god. 

Fall is here!

"Good news everyone!" (I hope someone gets the reference)

My beloved Fall morning walks are back! During Summer is already really hot in the morning so my walks are very unpleasant, but now it's really nice again!

A thing I have been noticing lately is that self development books (still reading "Awaken the giant within"...) now all seem equal to me. I still learn a lot don't get me wrong, but many of the "new discoveries" are things that I have already reached conclusions about already by myself. So I wither need to find new kinds of books or other kinds of activities to get my creative and ambitious blood flow running. 

burn burn burn

I've been meaning to read Jack Kerouac's "On the road" for some time, but this passage, in another book that I am now reading (Little Brother) made me change my mind into doing it sooner. The way W1nst0n (the main character of the book I'm reading) depicts Kerouac's work is so very well done that, well, I'm convinced.

The two young lovers discussing the book and the circunstances surrounding them was one of the good moments of this piece called "Little Brother".

I need people like those. With a burning desire for something. These are the people that make the world function. That are able to change the world.

Self Awareness (english and portuguese)

Just a comparison.

The kid knows.

And the original

Regardless of the situation, you're gonna be alright.

My thoughts on the Runner's High

Immediately after I wrote the post before this one I went for my usual session. And after 3/4 minutes of cycling I was feeling high. Don't get me wrong, I don't know what feeling high actually means, I only know this feeling, and it feels "high".

It happened after my muscles reached like their limit, and after the explosion after that. Like your muscles reach the tipping point right? Like their maximum performance. But when you go beyond that and explode. Kind of like. You feel these cool vibes throughout your body. And when you just pass by random people those vibes get stronger and you feel even "higher".

What I felt was something I feel rather often (while listening to music for instance) like, I feel invincible, I get this sort of tunnel vision, my eyes get big and shiny (kind of like watery?), or at least I feel them that way. My creativity explodes, everything seems easy and attainable, and I suddenly get these urges for adventure, like going to those epic places (like in the pictures below). I get this out of nowhere motivation, strength, creativity, I become a really big dreamer. All of this in a matter of seconds.

I don't even know where these places are, I just picked them randomly from the internet.

High Life

Hello leaders!

So this morning I was reading an article about running and it refers at some time the "runner's high". I had heard this term before and, to be sure and more certain, looked it up again. It led me to "peak experience" and the famous "flow". You see, name it to tame it. I often have the "peak experience", mostly through music, but also when I'm enthusiastic about some hobbies (reading books and adding new words for example).

So I decided I consciously want to feel these more often! I often exercise so I will study the runner's high phenomena (I know I have felt it many times before) and just try to learn as much as possible so that I can have/feel it more often and more intensely.

This will be also awesome to try and implement when I get to a management position at some company.

Just trying to live the best and most fulfilling life I can. Classes are about to start so I'll have a "study" goal too.

In the meanwhile, I created a blog on "cyberpunk", check it out. It's "cyberpunk", but I will every now and then post non-cyberpunk media/whatever reviews and opinions.
http://cyberpunkcahoots.wordpress.com/

Never take anything for granted

On the pre-apocalypse and the current more and more stabilized situation.

September reads

"The belief that becomes truth for me... is that which allows me the best use of my strength, the best means of putting my virtues into action."

Andre Gide

Reading this book now. So far so awesome.

I'm reading this book because the author of another book I'm reading mentioned Anthony Robbins in her book (so I was reading "Quiet" before starting "Awaken the Giant Within").

The Power of Words

This is perhaps one of the biggest changes (everything is related though...) I've made in the past year.

@JillianMichaels

Standing still is hard

I have this horrible tendency to make comparisons (starting to having more consciousness and therefore control over it though). I always compare myself with people I am afraid that are better than me, or that effectively are better than me (for example classmates from my undergraduate course). And this kind of gives me some anxiety, and drive to improve.

However, today, while talking to a friend of mine from my home town (one of my best friends and whom I can trust), now living in Scotland (before he was in Norway, I've written about him before), on skype, I compared myself with people from my hometown.

And man! Me and him, we are two fucking rock stars! I mean, in my hometown, a small city in the central region of Portugal, there's not much place for ambitious dreams. Everyone ends up working for the minimum wage in some factory, or supermarket of cafe, and even those are already full. But we, we took a risk coming abroad, to live outside of our comfort zones. We followed our passions, the passions we have since we were kids. We want to do what we love, because we have something we love. 

And I'm here talking, I had everything. My friend has no University diploma! He worked a few years to save money to take the course (to become a flight attendant)! He more than myself, fought and fought hard! Talking to him inspires me. And makes me want to become better. To become stronger.

No, I don't compare myself to this friend, for starters we know each other since we were 5 years old, and we aren't even competing against each other for a job.

We were kind of the two weirdos throughout school, the anti social kids, the kids who were more reserved, the kids who liked video-games, the paragon of anti-popularity, but now, who's who? Not saying we are popular, that's the last thing I want, but looking at the kids who bullied us, they are below average. And that was actually proven in a study.

S/he who laughs last laughs best.

 I still don't have a job, but I can't fucking wait to see myself wearing a conservative skirt and blazer! Corporate style! Sheryl Sandberg and Tina Fey inspired!

You just wait a little more, World!

#OITNB

My private leadership theory school. eReader non pictured : /

I feel narcissistic today.

Feel more alive

Today I made promising self discovery. Let's just say that up until know I was keeping my mind closed when it comes to possibilities. I made the same mistake when I was in Portugal and I kept on doing it. Until today. Until a few minutes ago.

I just asked myself a few questions and just like that, by answering them, I had an epiphany, a spark of insight and creative thinking.

Anyways, here's an article I look up every now and then.

40 Ways to Feel More Alive

1. Tell someone how you really feel about them instead of waiting because you’re scared.

2. Tell someone what you really want and need instead of building up resentment.

3. Share your fears publicly, in a blog post for example, and ask the community to keep you accountable in overcoming them.

4. Tell a friend your greatest dream, and then ask them to hold you accountable in pursuing it.

5. Admit to a friend how you really feel about how you spend your time—then brainstorm about ways to improve it.

6. Introduce yourself to someone you’ve been dying to meet, even if you feel nervous.

7. Ask someone who’s done what you want to do for advice and encouragement.

8. Tell your boss what you can do instead of wondering if you’ll ever move forward professionally.

9.  Or tell your boss his or her services are no longer needed—then finally start pursuing your passion.

10. Tell yourself the truth instead of lying to yourself about the changes you want to make in your life.

11. Sign up for a class to learn a skill you’ve always thought would be fun.

12. If you can’t afford a class, look on Craigslist for free events related to that interest.

13. Ask a friend to teach you to do something you don’t know how to do—and offer to teach them something else in return.

14. Take that new class at your gym instead of worrying that you won’t be able to keep up.

15. Buy a new or used instrument and look on for instructional videos on YouTube.

16. Think of something you’d enjoy creating—a blanket, a song, or a small piece of furniture—and then do some research today to take the first step in doing it.

17. Write a blog post or take some photos and submit them to your favorite website.

18. Invite a few of your friends to play a sport you’ve always wanted to try, even if you fear you’ll seem uncoordinated.

19. Blast your favorite song and try a dance style you’ve always admired. Nothing makes you feel alive like getting your blood pumping!

20. Make a list of things you think you’d enjoy, and then pick one you’ve never done to try this weekend.

21. Plan a vacation to that destination you’ve always dreamed about visiting.

22. If you can’t afford that, research cheap ways to travel—staying in hostels, volunteering abroad, or transporting someone else’s car, for example.

23. Issue yourself a “life ticket.” According to Tiny Buddha contributor Jamie Hoang, we find ways to pay tickets when we get them because we have to. Think of travel in that same way—and be resourceful to make it happen.

24. Take a weekend road trip to somewhere close you’ve always wanted to visit.

25. Write down your three favorite hobbies and for each, a place you’ve always wanted to try (i.e.: a beautiful beach an hour away for surfing). Plan to go this weekend.

26. Invite friends to a restaurant, bar, or other establishment you’ve wanted to try, but have avoided in favor or familiarity. (Once you invite other people, you’ll be less inclined to change your mind last-minute!)

27. If you’ve avoided going to a new spot because it’s expensive, start a “fun night” savings jar today, and make trying that place a priority.

28. Make a list of fun “staycation” ideas (for daytrips in your area). Schedule at least two of them for the next month.

29. If there’s a conference you’ve always wanted to attend, book your ticket for next year, or see if you can volunteer there to get free or discounted attendance.

30. Plan some type of creativity-driven travel project—once a week or even month, take photos, draw, or write in a new spot you’ve wanted to visit.

31. Jot down three qualities you’d like to possess, then three choices or activities that coincide with them (i.e.: adventurous—white water rafting). Make a plan to do that thing.

32. Enlist a friend to help you face it fear, whether it’s quitting your job or skydiving.

33. Create a positive affirmation to replace a limiting belief (i.e.: tell yourself, “I feel confident around new people” instead of “I can’t meet new people—I’m too nervous”). Then use that new belief to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

34. Think of someone you admire and write down three things they do that you don’t think you can. Now make it a personal mission to prove yourself wrong.

35. Think of something huge you’ve wanted to do, but feared you can’t. Now shrink it down to something smaller but related (i.e.: climb Mt. Everest could start with join a rock climbing gym.) Do that smaller thing today. It’s a start!

36. Ask a friend to describe your potential. Find the parts that make your heart race with excitement, and then take one small step today to work toward that possibility.

37. Set a 30-day challenge—i.e. write 5 pages every day without worrying if they’re any good; after 30 days, you’ll have a first draft of a 150-page novel.

38. Ask yourself, “What would I try if I thought I wouldn’t fail?” Take one tiny step toward that goal today.

39. Ask a friend or your significant other to design an “opposite night” for you—a night when the two of you do things completely opposed to what you usually do.

40. Share something you want to do but think you can’t in the comment section here. Just putting it out there is a great start!

The Paradox of Flow

This is why I want a job, fast. And the reason why summer vacations suck. In Portugal, when I got bored I would go to my family's business shop and just stay there all morning, or all afternoon or even all day (spending some time at the cafe too).

From the book "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience".

As this book has taught me, I'm going to make the best use of my time to gain new insights through reading, to relax and to practice my comedy and reasoning skills though tv dramas.

Learning From Others

I have a cousin (3 years younger than me) who's studying catering and hostelery, she now in a mandatory internship in a 1 star hotel in Barcelona. I look at her pictures and she is surrounded by friends, and by her boyfriend (just thinking that I live in the same city as the person I like and we never meet...) who went there to be with her. 

I sometimes think to myself, how myself, compared to my cousin, for example, am actually weak. I am always afraid to do things alone. I'm just not used to it. Doing things alone is not worth it. My cousin and I, despite not being close, are very alike in some aspects of our personal (it our family special gene, me, my cousin, my late grandfather, my mother, we are all have the same characteristic personality trait).

My point here is. Of course going from Portugal to Spain is a lot less expensive than going to Japan. Of course going for a paid 2-month internship, with classmates is easier than going alone. But still, I admire my cousin for her courage, proactivity and forward looking. She only applied for 5 star hotels, smart huh?

I actually feel envy but happy for her at the same time. She had friends visit her, she's having the time of her life doing what she loves. I'm sure she'll have a massively awesome job in the future. It's written all over her. She beautiful, proactive, popular, knows languages.

It's only by observing and living with different, and similar, people that one grows. And I want to be more like my cousin. I think that despite our similarities, her up-to-now life experiences made her a very strong person. She's very popular, she goes out at night, she's in a carnival group surrounded by friends. 

And this is the so-called social pressure. My cousin is the perfect example of a successful Portuguese (at her age range). If I were now in Portugal I would be much more outgoing I'm sure, but I would still avoid going out at night (just not for me).

There's still something off in me. I feel myself in that state of mind frequently, but because I'm mostly alone it kind of fades out. Meh...

"Jenny From The Block"

Possibility (ENERGY!!!) and Reflective Thinking

Like OH MY GOD!, could this be the source of my ruthless energy for the past year?! I'm sure it is! I used to have a very negative way thinking. Everything seemed impossible and stuff (typical portuguese, come to think of it, some friends show exactly the same pattern, everything seems out of our reach)... And now I am all "Let's do this", "I can do it", "of course, you can do it!" "you kidding, no one beats me!". And wow, the human being is awesome! Such a change! Unbelievable! I wouldn't believe myself if I weren't the one who changed. 

I now BELIEVE. I have FAITH. TRUST. In myself, in my abilities, in my senses. 

And now on Reflective Thinking. Now here it is...we take everything for granted. We don't look back, we don't appreciate things.

 Remember to reflect on your activities, on your day.

This is something I'm going to implement on my day to day basis. Every time, set aside a few minutes (probably before falling asleep) to think about the day or week. And also make some time to think of the possibilities I have in the several aspects of life.

A Few Things to Remember

Don't Strive for Certainty.

This is kind of meaningful to me. Living in Japan has made me realize how annoying uncertainty can be. Cultural differences and its consequences suck. But they make you grow and broaden perspectives. From now on I will try to embrace encertainy and instead of engaging in deep thinking, I'll just do whatever my instincts tell me to (unless they tell me to think - I think this will happen again...but I'll try at least to be aware in the moment).

Learn From Every Experience

I definetely need to try new things. To try and to fail more. I am planning some new things for the next few months. I also need to improve human relationships, my group of friends is pretty much perfect, but I want to go out more with them so I litererally need to work more.

Give Yourself Permission to Expand Your World

This is what I already do well. Books on different subjects. Different TV shows. Asking questions to friends from other cultures and to myself. I strive to break my own status quo. Not necessarily the patterns the society demands, but my own. I still need to reach new heights, with new experiences and new feelings, as I have mentioned above.

Living in a country with a culture completely different from my own is rather important and I think that what I'm learning here will make an impact in me for the rest of my life. 

From the book How Successful People Think, an easy to read and thought-provoking book. I like it.

Do It Anyway

“The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.”

― Kent M. Keith, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council

Finished LEAN IN!

I finished reading Sheryl Sandberg's book. I had some hopes for this book, and it was very good in the beginning. It had been some time since the last time I had read a book on leadership, so I guess that reading motivating stuff that I could relate to made me very enthusiastic. 

Nevertheless, as I continued reading, it was like, "I already know this". Don't get me wrong, the book is very good! I guess me and Sheryl share the same ideas. The thing is, Sheryl is american, and I am portuguese. I come from a femininist culture (more blurriness between genders behaviors), whilst Mrs. Sandberg comes from a masculine culture (the gender roles are more defined). That said, nothing in this book was particularly "new" to me. Because I share the same views on gender differneces. But what I liked the most was the encouragement. She beautifully wrote encouragement words that can fire up anyone.

And...she actually mentioned and cited Tina Fey's book! What a coincidence! I wrote some posts ago I wanted to read both these books. And in the end, Sandberg actually quotes Fey's words! Next read? Bossypants!

Sheryl is my role model. She's beautiful. She's successful. She's smart.

Changing the subject a bit...I've been thinking about something else lately.
Everything I read about Japan, before coming here, was written mostly by american people. So I was seeing Japan, from that perspective, and not really, as a portuguese person, coming from Portugal. I was being influenced by the comparison between japanese and american values. And Portugal, has some values that are similar to those of Japan. 

Push, push, push

...and keep pushing. Keep insisting. (And nope, I am not referring to constipation.)

Eventually, the brain ends up falling in the pattern and you become "it".

It's 1 am and I'm here writing this. I guess I'm too excited. I had the most amazing coffee a few hours later and now I can't sleep. I read a bit, because reading before sleep makes me very sleepy, it's like I can't even hold for more than 2 minutes. But nope. Not today. So I got bored and decided to try my luck and write this.

I feel that having an entrepreneurial and just plain positive environment at home as provided me the mind shift I have been happily living. It's so exciting! I had never seen myself as positive and confident (or 自信満々 like I'm lately often said to be!).

I had very narrow way of thinking (everything seemed out of reach, impossible to a low life human being such as my unawaken self) and couldn't, perhaps, even think for myself. I was always very scared of school work because I thought it was out of my league. But now, its like, just because I feel confident that things just come out more easily. The brain is no longer constricted.

My environment is basically books on self improvement, entrepreneurship, and other things I like that allow me to learn. Then there's my ipod filled with podcasts from lifestyle entrepreneurs such as Jillian Michaels and Lewis Howes. 

As for music, that's a secret, but pop, techno and jazz are perhaps the most common genres. Then, there's my classmates. I like making people feel good and laugh, and I am now able to do so. As Charlie Chaplin once said, "A day without laughter is a day wasted." 

As for the TV I watch, pretty much sitcoms only (watching the last season, 7, of Tina Fey's 30 Rock) but lately I've been watching crime drama, CSI (I stopped watching several years ago on season 5, and I have re-watched those seasons and I'm going to continue watching until the present day episodes. CSI is great because I can learn quite some stuff. I've always had this dream of becoming, not a policewoman, but still have some sort of job related to the law enforcement. I think that my great sense of justice comes from there.

So this positive self inflicted environment, has created the necessary changes in my brain to allow me to become the person I wanted to become. Of course, I'm far (and will always be) from my ideal, but I can now say that I have become an interesting person. I used to be afraid of boring people (I think that my late self was having a severe unconscious depression), but now I just lighten up the room with my presence. 100% change! 

And it's great to be able to define my moods and having control over them. 

Haha. 

See if I can fall asleep after this...

One year Gap

Here's how much my walks have changed.

Last Summer

This Summer

Almost one year has passed since I got my Kobo (September), and from all the reading (50 books so far!) I've made on leadership, psychology, self improvement, etc that I've come to become a completely different person from that I used to be. 

I am much more positive, energetic, outgoing, smarter, funny, witty etc! Read books people, read books and find your hidden strenghts! Light your fire!

I Told Myself

Ever since I was a kid that I always dreamed big. I used to read Scrooge McDuck (my favorite character, but I and also read other Disney characters comics) rather frequently and I think that my money management skills (if you can call it that) come from his influence.

I told myself I wouldn't let myself feel inferior to boys, and I did it.

I told myself I would play soccer well to play with the boys, and I did it.

I told myself I would become physically (at that time, never considered the emotional side) strong. and I did it.

I told myself I would be best at the English class, and I did it.

I told myself I would not stop at the 24 minute runs at the physical education class, and I didn't stop (unlike my girl friends and classmates).

I told myself I was going to know Japanese, and I did it.

I told myself I was going to be the best at the Japanese class, and I did it.

I told myself I would come to Japan no matter what, and I did it. 

 

"I made it by being tougher than the toughies, and smarter than the smarties! And I made it square!"

Having this said, I think I can conclude that I am competition driven. When I was in Portugal, I would look at the students at my favorite classes and feel threatned because I wanted to be the best. So I had no choice but work to be the best. They most likely couldn't care less about that, but this is how I felt. 

On one side this sucks, or at least the initial pressure and stress from feeling threatned, but the process of striving to win and accomplishing it, makes it kind of worth it, because it is in these times that I am the most creative and productive.

In Japan I don't feel this competition, I get motivated by books, and then discouraged by the confusion in my head when I think about writing a thesis. I was not made to work sitting not on a desk all day, I need constant human (and non human too) stimulation. Specially lately I feel that there's this beast inside me eagerly waiting to come out (oh no, not again...! haha) and be put working somewhere where I can just do something to help making some product or company more profitable. But of course incentives are necessary.

I also told myself I would be someone important at a company, will the pattern continue?

“Being confident and believing in your own self-worth is necessary to achieving your potential.”
― Sheryl Sandberg

BE1 PODCAST

Check this out on Chirbit

BE1 PODCAST [2min] What is this? Leadership, Psychology and much more!

This is going to be a really short podcast, because sometimes I feel I can't express myself through writing only and feel something is lacking. I want people to listen to my real me, to feel who I am.

I decided to make this not only to see to what extent I can express myself in English, and to get better at it, but also to grow my communication skill and see if I can go beyond my shyness, to make myself more confident!

Thank you for listening, I hope you enjoy it as much as I will!

Leaning in

I just started reading Sheryl Sandberg's "Leaning In", I still have only read a few pages but I'm already all fired up!

I definitely need to read this kind of books with more frequency. I have no environmental advantages to get all fired up here (nor in Portugal), because nobody I know is ambitious and so my enthusiasm ends up fading.

Japan could learn something this.

I ASPIRE TO A LEADERSHIP ROLE IN WHATEVER FIELD I ULTIMATELY WORK.

Following the lead

Two of the most influential women in my current life (as in, nowadays) have written books. And I want to read'em so bad.

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead

By giving myself some pressure, I'm pleased to announce that somewhere between the next 2 weeks I'll start reading Sheryl Sanberg's masterpiece. I have to finish reading a few other books first until I can fully immerse myself in Sheryl's mind. And I can't wait...!

Bossypants

Then, there's another one, since I started watching 30 Rock that I have been following the leading actress with some enthusiasm, Tina Fey. And therefore, I must read her book, I want to know her a little better, specially because she makes me laugh hard when I'm watching the show (that she herself created!).

Know Thyself (An Ode to Books)

This period I'm spending in Japan is turning, better, has turned into, perhaps the period of my life in which I have learned the most. I told to myself that, during my masters degree, I would dedicate myself to reading, to learning. Two years I have, for myself, to learn. And that's what I'm doing.

I'm reading. A lot. And a lot I am yet to read. I want to try a bit of everything. The best of reading books is that, if you read often, let's say, during a month you read 4 books, you can be positive that after that month you'll be wiser than you were a month ago. I guess it depends on what you read too, but for now, that's what I'm feeling. 

Sure, many of the books I've read are self-development (leadership, psychology, etc) books. I'm also enjoying very much fiction. To the point that I find myself thinking about my own, and other people's behaviors, reactions. And the moment I'm living the moment, it's like time slows and I have time to think about how fascinated I am (or not) by what I'm whitnessing. 

I learn empathy, feelings, with every page of fiction I read. 

Listen to THIS PODCAST to understand a little better what I'm trying to say. 

Before coming to Japan, due to many childhood I-guess-you-could-say "traumas", my emotional development was far from normal. I was not able to recognize my own emotions! And therefore I was not able to recognize and empathize with other people. I had this feeling of inferiority towards other people. I did not value myself. When you regard yourself like this, you don't want anyone to be around you, because you can emotionally sink at the slightest disaproval. 

Fortunately I no longer feel that way. I feel confident and assured of myself, I can defend myself. 

This lack of empathy made me lose my first real love. Thinking about it now, gives me this sense of revolt towards myself. In the presence of the person I would feel so good, I would feel sleepy, I would smile for no reason. It was a very, very intense and warm feeling, that I had NEVER felt before (have you ever heard of "amae"?). I used to think that no one would ever like me, so having that person liking me...well, I thought the person was either making fun of me or else it would be too good to the truth. And I didn't believe it.

So as I was supposed to be saying, as much as I felt all that warmness, besides being the first-second (had experienced it with someone else, on a different way), my blindness towards myself (and others) wouldn't let me act upon it, because I couldn't recognize what I was feeling. Jesus, I was so emotionally disconnected, that if I saw someone like I used to be now, I probably wouldn't believe it. I am so much more sensitive now. Thanks to this experience and thanks to the insights books allow us to imagine vividly.

And so, due to my self inflicted ignorance, I turned myself to books. In a quest to understand what, why and how. And books, have helped me learn myself, control myself, be myself. And lately, I've been noticing that I am getting fascinated with people, being aware in those moments. Feeling my eyes full of emotion. Feeling my heart. 

I develop, I grow every day. At the end of each week I know I'm wiser that I was just a mere 7 days before. 

Here's a TED talk that inspires me every time I see it.

So thank you books. 

And ultimately, thank you Love, 

for being my genesis. 

LIGHT MY FIRE

Galz, let's become the next Sheryl Sandberg, Marissa Mayer, or any other top gun woman!
Let's achieve!

Just to get you all pumped up!

The Friendship Nemesis

This post is sudden, I wrote one just yesterday, but I just want to clear this out of my head and get space to think about it some more.

Yesterday I added my best friend ever in Skype. It was a long time without talking to him (I met him once when I went back to Portugal). He is now working in Norway. Talking to him made me feel myself again. Made look back to what I was originally. My essence. My tastes. Myself. Before Japan, before my BA, before high school - when we separated).

But first, let me give you a few easy definitions.

Friendship

1. the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.

2.a friendly relation or intimacy.

3.friendly feeling or disposition. 

Friend 

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3.  a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5.( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

All my hobbies during childhood and adolescence, included this particular friend.

I have many people I call friends, but this one is perhaps the most deep friendship I have.

We share values, we share language, we share hobbies and tastes, we share simplicity and views of life, we share our hometown, we share the fact that we are now living abroad. Ultimately, we share culture. A culture developed over the years we have know each other. 

If there's a person I can trust, a person I have no problems whatsoever talking and asking for whatever, it's this friend.

For instance, starting from zero, either me in Japan or him in Norway, is not easy. 

We shared our opinions about it. And I was shocked to understand that he too, felt damaged in some way because there's actually people with bad intentions. I still get shocked when I talk to chinese people and they all say that the world is dangerous, that even your "friends" can betray without the blink of an eye. That to me is absolutely monstruous. 

Unfortunately I think I can say that I know the taste of it. This hurts. A lot. Someone to whom you open up, being bitchy, lying just to make you feel bad. That is so immature. So childish. Grow up already! Only kids up until high school do that.

Another reason for not being easy is the fact that, people are more closed. Coming from a country where we freely and fervently express our emotions, being in a country where people don't do it often (or at least I haven't reached that level of closeness with anyone) automatically blocks your own body from doing it. "Mirroring" gets impossible. It becomes impossible to actually enjoy human relationships, it just gets boring. 

Anyway, I just want to say that, for the first time in a long time, I felt so thankful for having this friend. I felt so happy for him, knowing that is finally living a decent life, money wise, unlike when he was in Portugal.

Having this good of a friend makes me feel stronger and happier. It makes me eager study and work to get where he is. I want my independence too. It also makes me feel proud for having grown up with the values we share.

I sometimes even think, how's my life going to be without this kind of people around me here in Japan?
Or am I overthinking and not seing other possibilities? I have been trying to become comfortable with the uncomfortable, and have made some progress, but I can't help but feel bored. Is it because I know no people with the same tastes and drive? Someone to whom I can talk passionately about something I like? Is it me that is not trying enough?

Capt. Charisma

With all the reading I've been doing, I guess I could say that my ultimate goal is to completely control myself. I intend on continue doing this (don't know if I could call it...) intensive reading, until at least I start working (after I get a real job I will continue, of course, but probably not this "intensive").  Having no internet on my mobile phone has helped me immensely with reading. Though I only used my phone to read the news (business insider, the economist, and the likes).

Well, anyway, I started reading a book on charisma, "The Charisma Myth", and have realized a few things about...life. Perception. Human beings. Mind. Brain.Human relationships. Words. The power of words in our perception and feelings.

Sometimes people get surprised at for example, my resistance (whether at sports, study, whatever), and I never really understood why people reacted that way. I didn't see it as a big deal. And I refused compliments. After all I did nothing extraordinary.

Thing is, the way oneself reacts will affect how one feels. And I honestly don't remember what it feels like winning. Or the feeling of accomplishment after some hard task got completed. Perhaps its just me, that still really haven't done anything surprising, or it might be the way I react to things (thanking, but not actually believing in the compliment) that has been blocking those feelings from me.

I have probably written before that I wanted that feeling or that I like that feeling. But actually, it was just for the story. And I say this because lately I have been having more positive feelings. I have been reading different things online (mostly thanks to StumbleUpon, that get's me always awesome articles that make my brain feel more fulfilled and excited) and reading more for my research, and in Japanese!

And I realized that people like Liz Lemon make me feel good. I still dream of being able to work in a work environment like hers...(and I don't even know if that's even possible or not, after all "30 Rock" is a TV show...