Adressing people and relationships

I just finished making a hot drink (milk, water, coffee, cocoa) and was just starting to do my reading of "Culture's Consequences". Actually, I'm starting my today's reading session, not necessarily the book (almost half way through). I decided I had to write so that I wouldn't forget this.

So I have this class, "Language and Identity", and it's probably one of the most interesting classes I've ever taken in my life. So anyway, what my teacher talks and makes us talk about in the class is related to the book above mentioned, and today, we were talking about how the structure of texts formats the students minds to thinking in a certain way.

*I just realized that there is so much I can write about that I'm kind of lost on my mental organization.

But it's not necessarily about today's class I want to talk about. I think. I might have had thought of something we talked about, the since my head is flooding with possibilities of a post, I might have forgotten.

So...! I was reading, and came across the following questions.

"How highly regarded is your native language internationally?"
Don't really now.

"How important is being a male/female to you?"
Not necessarily important. But I feel proud for being a strong and assertive modern woman. I just wish I had more more to update my wardrobe and feel even better.

"How important is being a member of a religion to you?"
I'd rather not comment this one.


My native language is portuguese (european). I've lived in a multicultural environment (I guess you could say that) since I was a kid. I watched mostly american tv shows and movies, brazillian telenovelas. International music stars (mostly american). Spanish dubbed anime with portuguese subtitles. English classes (5th-11th grade). Spanish classes. French classes. And as I was about to become officialy an adult, japanese and chinese language entered my life.

So, hum, I don't necessarily have that much "pride" in my native language. Or at least for now. Now that I'm in Japan, I'm starting to realize many things about portuguese, and its relation with people relations, mindset, attitude and pretty much everything in life.

In portuguese we have a few ways for the word "you". One is "tu", colloquial, I use it most of the time. And "você". I actually really dislike having to use this one because I feel very distanced from the person I'm talking to. There's also the sub-intended subject and adressing the person by the name.
 
Onde é que vais? 
This one is the one I probably use the most.

Onde é que tu vais?
Adding the "tu" makes it a little more...hmm, aggressive? Kind of like when parents address to their children using their full name when they are angry.

Onde é que você vai?
Many students use "você" when talking to teachers, I don't, I think it's very tacky and disrespectful.

Onde é que o professor vai?
Well to put it literally...Where are you (person that is a) Professor going to?
I did not translate it as "Professor where are you going?" because it has a different connotation, using the first one is more polite and denotes more distance in hierarchy.

Onde é que o Sr. Gomes vai? 
"Where are you Sr. Gomes, going?" 
The person being adressed might be old or a boss.

Having this in mind, I've came to realize that my relationship with a even more stratified language, ie, Japanese is a little weird. I get to the point in which I get confused and don't know which politeness level to use. In emails I always write as politely as I can (work), but in everyday relationships, apart from my chinese friends, I really get lost. Not to mention that besides japanese teachers, I also have "western" teachers. And having to move through those politeness levels gets, as I said, confusing.

Being adressed as "-san" even by teachers makes me somewhat nervous and makes me feel like a subordinate. In Portugal, teachers call the students by their first name only. Or at least in public schools. I never went to private school so I don't know.
However, being called by my last name plus -san makes me feel more comfortable, as weird as it might sound. I guess it makes me feel we are equal. It makes me feel more like a grown up that can communicate without problems with other adult.

-chan is just too weird. I associate "-chan" with cuteness, and I'm not cute, at all. (I can become naturally cute, but only with a very limited number of asian people I know to whom I speak in japanese). So I feel very weird, and feel like the other person has to make an effort to adress to me in that way. We don't use "cuteness" in Portugal. I think "cuteness" is seen as very childish, and probably only acceptable for babies and lovers. I don't know how, but I think the portuguese language doesn't allow us to be cute when speaking. And I think the same applies to some extent to the english language. Japanese however, somehow, allows people to be cute. Specially women, with the "ne" terminations, that somehow sounds sweet and calms a person down.

EDIT
I kept thinking about it, and in portuguese we do have a way to make things sound cuter and softer. Perhaps to the point it actually the what one feels when someone talks that way.

For example. The word cat, "gato".

To make it sound like it is a cute little cat we are talking about or calling we say "gatinho", instead of the neutral "gato", that has no connotations whatsoever.
If we want to make it sound like a puffed, strong cat, we call it "gatão", or "gatarrão".

Thing is, I don't use this kind of adjectivation that often. Unless with my pets. But I think I use it mostly when I want to be sarcastic.
END OF EDIT

 Moving to another subject, I've been having some irritating time with the person I live with. As I mentioned in previous posts. We belong to the same university. I'm now sure if that makes us from the same "uchi" group. I guess it does.
However, in Portugal at least, or as I've read in "Culture's Consequences", students in western countries don't necessarily feel attached to their education institution. Actually, in Portugal, we feel more attached to our university course, rather than the University itself. Of course, if we are with someone from other university, that sentiment might come up. Or if you come from a good university and are present yourself you might say that with some pride. But as a "group" we feel much more attachment to the course we are enrolled in. We even have course jackets. And students proudly wear their course's jackets on a daily basis.

Me, at this moment, I feel proud of being a member of the "Intercultural Communication" master course. I feel some pride when saying I'm studying at my university, because it is in Japan, because living abroad is hard for me, and because I am a good student, if the person I'm talking to is somehow impressed, I try to elevate the prestige of the university and my own by telling what kind of person I am. And by allowing people to know what/how/what kind of person I am, I allow them to trust me.

Trust.
Which leads me to other thing. I only consider people of my "in-group" or "uchi" group people I trust. People I can laugh with, people I can talk to without having to worry if that I told them is going to be leaked, people with whom I can sing without worrying about my weak singing skills (lol), people with whom I can make some pseudo dance moves when I'm happy, people with whom I want to do things together with. If I can't do that with someone, I'll always be a bit distant. That's also a reason why I don't like instruction manuals so much. They are cold, impersonal, if I don't understand something or if it's too much information to process I get stressed, anxious, lost. I like people to give me instructions, not paper. I like people trusting my instructions. Paper is inconsiderate, paper doesn't tell the future potential helper how the user feels in the moment he/she doesn't understand something. Paper doesn't psychologically help you, on the contrary, as I said, it makes you stressed and makes you feel alone, helpless. That's what it is. Paper. Cold, heartless paper. Many trees were killed so that you could feel stressed when you read those rules and instructions, instead of having environment friendly people doing it.

To make a long story short, regardless of being members with many people of organizations of whatever kind, I only consider of "my own" those I can trust. Even within family I have people I have no confidence with, so...