that awkward moment in which you look back and realize that there are things that really turn you on but you couldn't do'em because there were no people interested in that in the vicinity (problem with growing in a small town).
always had to somewhat constraint myself due to that reason. though I admit, kindergarten (not sure of the english word, in portuguese it's ATL, where kids go after school until they finish primary school) was an awesome period and full of little geeks ready to battle with their strongest pokemon.
And for the sake of my japanese, I stopped completely all the amusing activities I had (unless in japanese) through my years of college. videogames, internet, tv series, etc. So in a way, I suddenly lost the things that had an effect on my personality, during a perhaps crucial period of character formation.
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Today I made a rather controversial tweet on twitter (where else), that I decided to erase and discuss it here in more detail. And I apologize if I somehow offended someone, it was not my intention. And I quote:
"there are actually societies in which giving is not connected with receiving. the act of giving is enough satisfaction itself."
I can see this here in Japan not only among japanese and among the other cultures I'm living with, but what made me really question this, to the point of being quite shocked at it, is an american tv show where one of the main characters is kind of obsessed with following these "contracts" by the rule whilst other characters take it normally and don't feel the super need of equalizing (in the same value)/returning the favor.
Besides that, when you like someone, at least speaking for myself, I like giving/offering the person something, without the expectation of being given back something. That would just ruin the intention of making the person happy, because if the other person actually thinks about giving back than that might actually become a burden.
But after taking some time and thinking about it, in Portugal we also have this "custom" of "giving and receiving".When I meet with some friend after a long time, or some friend comes with me at a boring place, I feel obliged or the need to pay back. With little things, for instance a lunch, or a coffee, offering my company or help in a next time, etc.
I raise the question is, do "immaterial" things count? As in the form of behavior, I guess.
This is something related to culture, but from my up to now still not enough understanding, besides being obviously connected with culture and customs, this might also be related to the person's personality.
As it is hard to explain, I'll give an example.
I remember some time ago, in Portugal, I was (trying) to help out a friend with a school subject. Okay, I absolutely did not mind helping. I was interested and very motivated to talk about it and it could also be a learning experience to myself.
But, taking time to help the person makes one unconsciously, expect some motivation, cooperation and gratitude (as in being interested) from the other party. When those expectations are not met, and instead you have a dull person in front of you who's there almost like it was obliged to it you get mad and will most likely decline a next time (though I actually didn't, since I didn't want the person to fail the subject and didn't wanted myself to feel responsible for the person's failure - not sure if this is being selfish?).
I was thinking, could this "expectation" from the other party be considered as a "receiving" object?
Something like,
player 1 - Giving in time, money (it happened) and effort, for the other person's interest.
player 2 - No interest
player 1 -
player 2 -
So does this "expected" but not met cooperation and gratitude count as a returned "favor"? If I were to put this into speech it would be something like "you could at least pretend you're interested!!". One doesn't say these things (again, depends on culture and personality) but one thinks.
Don't know if it is myself or just the portuguese ((not all) westerners?) in general, but I used to not pay very much attention to details, and instead look at the big picture, I'm much better now, but still have some flaws.
Ever since I came here that most of my posts are analyzing my own behavior. So I'm also wondering if this self analysis is a reflection of living daily with this "to detail" asian analysis in every aspects of life. Yes. It is. The fact of being much more conscious and aware of myself is a reflection of this, oh, yes, I'm pretty sure.
All for today, writing this was actually tiring, because I had to think and re think. It's getting late and I still want to watch some tv. But as a theme for a next post, there's something that has been "bothering" me since I came here. That is the concept of "salad", yes, salad.
I think this is an interesting post. I personally think the Asian society places a lot of emphasis on relationships, and in the case, this can be related to what you have mentioned here. Preciously because of the need to maintain good relations, there is an unspoken thing to "return the favor" though I wouldn't say it's really "returning" since the idea is to maintain good relationships.
返信削除This in a way shows the difference between the different societies, like how Asian societies are more collective while Western societies more individualistic. This brings to mind an interesting observation from a book I read during my uni days where it is mentioned that there are more lawyers in Western societies than Asian societies. The reason being, Asians don't like to put things down in words and many things are really let unspoken, so putting things down in contract destroys that trust between the parties.
Definitely the worldview of people can be different due to this socialization yet I think if one keeps an open mind, one can still learn many things. Sometimes I feel fortunate in a way that I'm brought up with the 2 constrasting perspectives and it helps me to understand the world a bit better.
Anyway, on a lighter note, I enjoy your posts. And it seems like you are really thinking a lot but sometimes you give me the idea that you sounded rather stressed. Remember to think of happy things as well! :)
yes. that can be a good thing. a lot of things have surprised me here. asian people can be very flexible and don't mind doing things for you and helping even if they don't know you.
返信削除They are also very efficient. I come from a place where everything takes a lot of time to be done. So when I have to take care of things here I'm always afraid of that but as it turns out I do it very quickly here.
The concept of friendship is also different I think.
And the concept of privacy. this is the one that differs the most. This leads to the concept of gossip. I personally feel very much uncomfortable when people come talk to me about other people I know but don't know very well (unless they have done some harm to me than I'm obviously interested in knowing) and ask me to comment on the situation. Being asked this kind of things makes me think the other person might do the same about me with other people thus making me not be able to trust the person. It's like a defense mechanism you do unconsciously.
The concept of lying also seems to be different here. I'm not sure, but it seems.
Lately I feel like wanting to come back to the comfort of my portuguese friends but here in Japan, despite a bit lonely and bored I feel I'm in constant evolution and that is the main reason why I would continue here. Still need to think carefully about the advantages and disadvantages (one year here of college fees here would pay for 6 years of college fees in portugal and I'm not rich...). this is a very hard and life changing decision.
Thanks for your contribution!
Hi Ayu,
削除Have been wanting to reply but am caught up with too many things!
Indeed there are many things that are different between the East and the West. I can't really say good or bad since it depends very much on the situation.
Seems like you are learning a lot from your stay in Japan but it seems like it costs a lot of money. Hopefully, you get a scholarship so that everything becomes easier.
another thing, asian people seem to be able to control their body energies (or something like that) and that's something completely new to me. I've been noticing that I'm highly sensitive and though I'm not sure, I'm beginning to think I can feel other people's feelings/heart (if close), and other people's body energies. and I think I can sense things I don't understand...thing is since lately I've been discovering many new things, I'm not sure if this is just me or if this kind of "sensing" is normal to everyone. this is why I feel I'm in constant evolution here. because in portugal I feel no one has this "sensing" abilities, but in Japan I think everyone does. But then again I had a close minded when I was in Portugal, now with an open mind things could be different. And I know actually portuguese people who claim to be very sensitive people. could you comment on this?
返信削除I think you are right. I don't know if there's a word for it, but I do think Asians are quite mindful about others, in what you mean. Perhaps you know of the term, "空気よめない". I do think Asians are very good at reading the "air" or environment. Back to the things about collectivism, this is precisely the reason why reading the environment and reading people are so important, as there is a certain social pressure to behave the same way and say the right thing. That's why I think in Asian societies, social pressure or perhaps this mindfulness can help people each other, and behave in the "right" way.
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