a reflexion

 I am looking forward to the time where I can actually write a "normal" post, talking about the Japanese language, about Japan, about things Japanese. But, since I came here that I have been "learning" so much, and I'm not refering to the japanese language itself, but also about my self.

It breaks my heart thinking about this at times, but I ought to write this somewhere, this will be an interesting read in some years, as I have mentioned in previous posts.

So basically, yet today (and yesterday on the portuguese song post) I reached another conclusion(s).

awareness of myself and others ⇒ see and feel the world in a whole different way. 

With this I mean, today I realized that the fact that a friend of mine moved is making me a bit lonely lately. This is good, because I'm having, and realizing for the first time these feelings. I remember when I was in the end of my first year of university and was asked if, I didn't feel lonely since I was living alone. I recall answering no, or not that much.

From my second year on I would spend my time after school with friends. And kind of got used to it.

Now I'm in Japan. And if I did not realize that in the beginning, I realize now that I'm living the same lifestyle I did in Portugal. Just without the friends. And without the cafes and library (university's library makes my head feel really heavy).

Before university (in Portugal) I was an high school student. Had classes all day (except in the 12th grade, only in the morning) and basically after school, during there years I would go home (because it was late) or go to the local mall with my friends once in a while. or we would gather to play Tekken or PES.

Doing hobbies, without the sense of previous accomplishment (such as joy of being with friends, or training, or having been able to suceed at some task, etc) has no meaning. Seriously, you feel nothing from doing it if you haven't had a "productive" time before.
I'm also realizing that, despite don't liking being in places with a lot of people (get really, really tired) that I enjoy considerably being with my friends. Something I was not, again, "aware" before. Not just friends, with people, people that teach me, the same faces from the supermarket, from the stores I usually go, from the other japanese classes.

In Japan, people are busy, really busy. When I arranged to go to a cafe with friends we had to schedule it minutely. I think that this fact discouraged me from going to cafes more often.
That and prices. To get to a cafe, pay for the cafe and coming back can easily, very easily reach or even surpass 二千円. Whilst in Portugal, I would walk and spend at tops 1.50€. Of course, if I had a secure income and money to spend I would do it more often because its one of the things I enjoy doing, its part of who I am, part of my culture. If I were to work full time here in Japan I think this would no longer be a problem, if we consider the purchasing power parity between both countries.

This is something I admire in the japanese people, they are always busy. Unlike me, portuguese, who have a lot of free time. But then again, in portugal there's no バイト culture, nor サークル culture, not 就活 culture. So youngsters who are studying have a lot of free time when they have no classes, time which is spent with family, friends, studying, hobbies, etc.

I came to Japan, inicially with the intention of staying just one year, but now that I'm considering staying here for more time (if possible) I intend of having a more "japanese" lifestyle, like getting a バイト.

With all the "changes" or "awareness" that I'm gaining more confidence in myself, my japanese is also better, and that fact, the fact that I'm able to do enjoyable things in japanese (such as reading) that not only enable me to spend a confortable time, but also to learn. The more I learn, the more confident I get. Learning is not only done from books but also from all kinds of entertainment.
Japanese people are also very curious, and show interest in all kinds of subjects that might arise. This is something, probably the thing that has made the biggest impact in me, japanese people are eager to learn, to know more. Chinese people too (or at least those I know), this is something so big, that had so much impact in me (and the japanese people I knew before coming here were like this too and have influenced me in that sense too) that it already made this year worth.

Lately, really lately, I have been realizing the borders of my unconscious standards. New ideas, new standards mixed with the ones I already previously owned. It's like getting what's good from one and adding it to what was good from the other, or replacing to make the whole way of thin better. And this, not only from living with other cultures, but also from the classes in which we share and discuss on several subjects, and having people from different countries there's always new ways to consider the "problems" listed. For example, we now have a debate class, and just listening my classmates opinions make me feel a little richer.

 I have been jumping from paragraph to paragraph adding stuff, so if you think the post is not very concise and organized don't take it the wrong way. I'm discovering so much, and I'm eager to write it all but end up forgetting lots of things.