portugueseness

Woke up with an earthquake so I'm considerably sensitive today, as it was my first earthquake ever. I though it was someone waking me up. Later, I also considered the north korea hypothesis.

Yesterday we were talking about on on the new 読解 classes we were going to read 俳句, so I decided to make my own in advance. Here it is:

この鼓動
漲る心
君のこと

Now, going onto other subject.
As I recognize my feeling I also get to know how I behave in certain situations. Something I have never dealt with before. This is good. This is good because I can control the environment and make it favorable to what I'm feeling at the moment.

I've been discovering how, or better, why, portuguese people are know to be easy going, and why we enjoy coffee so much. And why we are known for being very friendly. When I'm at my best, as in happy, I can be so friendly that I even surprised myself this week. At those times I'm always ニコニコ'ing. "Oh I'm actually like this.", and it's true because I remember being like this in previous times.

Other than that, I've been discovering, how I, not as a portuguese but as a citizen of the world, enjoy doing, dislike doing. As it happens, in portugal I am considerably out going among my friends. Here in Japan not so much. And lately, I don't feel like going out much. For several reasons.

Money. Japan is expensive. If I continue here for a master's degree I will have to spend a lot of money, I doubt I have. One of the things I like doing the most, going to the cafe with friends and just talk, play games, study, I can't do here because of the prices.

 Cultures around me are different. We think differently and have most of all, have different ways of doing humor. Noticed that when I speak with my portuguese friends we either have very serious/deep conversations or very humorous ones. Since I know I'm not going to have fun, I'd rather stay at home doing something I know (now that I can understand feelings and emotions, not fully yet, far from it) that I know will make me laugh, for example.

I get really, really tired when I go out, for whatever it is. This does not happen in Portugal. In Portugal I spend the day out of my house and get home good as new. I don't know why but here, I get really, really tired just from, for example, going to pay my house rent. This is something I've been noticing recently.

Another thing that is worrying me, is that I need to decide my research theme. Not only that I need to read books on the chosen subject to make it official so that some teacher with related interests and subjects will accept me. Thing is I have so many things I want to do research on as a master's degree I can't decide. And not only that, since I don't have that much money I can only chose a masters that has the possibility to start in September (otherwise would have to pay by myself another half year of living here). And then there's the pressure of having to study, in japanese, that makes me tired, despite not being that hard, after a while I burn out. I've been reading a lot lately, and when I feel I want to do something else, I can't because my brain and eyes can't take it. And of course, time pressure, I need to choose ASAP.

I want to speak portuguese above all, every time someone calls me or I call someone I end up lol'ing.. It's such a relief when I talk to friends on the phone. Again, we have the time difference problem. When I can, at night, they are in classes. And not all my friends have the possibility of talking with me over the phone.