Language and self, and thoughts on 敬語

Back to writing posts on language.

I'm back to Japan, and despite feeling lonely at times, I find myself amused with japanese media. I recently started reading ドラえもん in Japanese and I''m slowly finding out why manga has so many addicts. I personally like to read a bit at a time. Since one volume has several small "episodes"I read like 3 or 4 each time. Also, in order not to get tired (small characters). I also started watching a tv drama, but so far have only come out 5 episodes...and since I have to wait for the rest, I will watch something else in the meanwhile.

Always, in japanese. I kind of miss japanese. I miss watching things in japanese.

When I came back to Portugal my main language became portuguese again. Now, I'm in Japan and my main language is back to being japanese again. For the first days I remember still thinking in portuguese, for example, while I'm shopping and can't remember what else I wanted to buy, I would think "ah, o que é que faltava mesmo?...", now I've turned to japanese (it took these past few days since I arrived though) and it has become something like "あと、何だっけ？"

My personality also changes, completely, I should emphasize it,when I speak in portuguese and in japanese. And I have discussed this with more people, and at least one of them, a japanese person, was also fluent (I now consider myself relatively fluent in japanese) in both japanese and portuguese. I could see the differences in her when she spoke in portuguese, she has lived in Brasil for 2 years, and her portuguese language personality, is さすがに brazilian.

I, for instance, am a lot more agressive and relaxed when I talk in portuguese. I consider myself fluent in portuguese, japanese and english. I don't speak english that much, but I read and understand completely, and if I'm with a native speaker I can speak without much shame. Because, since I'm not a native, it is OK to make mistakes, but if I find myself with a non english native I get afraid of making mistakes because that person will be able to judge, to compare our language skills. And if I'm speaking with a native, mistakes are considered as 当たり前.

When I speak japanese, I become considerable more quiet, peaceful, reserved, sensitive. I don't know how I am with english, but I'd say a mix, or neutral. But the posts I wrote lately in english are definitely using my portuguese way of thinking, my portuguese self.

But what has been making me think about this the most is that, among my closest portuguese friends, when one of us "fails" (very broad meaning, we wouldn't say this if, for instance, someone would not pass an exam, we only use this to make fun of each other, it is somehow an expression that connotes that we are close) at something, we usually say "é para aprenderes", actually we say this in slang, becoming something like "é pa'prenderes!".

I sometimes find myself wanting to say that to someone here, but I'm blocked by the japanese language. I don't even know if there's some expression in the japanese language that conveys the same meaning and connotation, but truth of the matter is that, when the time comes I think of that expression I use in portuguese (only use it with close people) and keep shut in japanese.

That's the only expression in portuguese that I can think of that I can't say in japanese, or that I feel the need to say but can't. In the japanese language, however, that are a lot more expressions, words and 概念 that I can't say/express in portuguese because no one would give me the favor of understanding.

Just yesterday, I met with a friend who studies portuguese and I think that during the time we were together that my mind finally turned into japanese. I remember speaking with him, my japanese was all coming back to me and at some point I was speaking so fast that I was surprised with myself (and I've felt this before too, here in Japan).

And for the second time, that, while your brain makes the change from one language to the other, thus making you more fluent in the language and self you're turning too, and I've noticed this for at least two times, you start forgetting things in your other language. For instance, yesterday, I was trying to remember a portuguese friend's name and as much as I thought I couldn't remember it. I was so engaged in the japanese language that I just couldn't remember it. And as I said, this has happened to me at least one more time before. It's one of those really strange moments that you notice that something's not normal, but you don't think about it at the moment, but think about it later, as I'm doing now.

We were walking around the sea shore, and in the beginning I was a bit nervous because I didn't know what to talk about. So we had a few weird silence moments, but then we started talking about the differences in portuguese from portuguese speaking countries and the conversation got fluid to the point that we needed to find a place to seat to be more comfortable.
Other than this differences in the language and self, there's 敬語, in japanese this is necessary to distingh your position in relation to someone else, in portuguese we don't have this. I mean we have our ways of expressing in a more polite manner, but it has nothing to do with status (or so I think), it's just to be and look polite and wel behaved and give a good impression of ourselves. Or to look like a person with status by talking to others in a haughty way, 鼻が高い.

For example (from the perspective of a 21 year old).

among friends
"Desculpa, não percebi, podes repetir?"
among someone were not close with
"Desculpe, não percebi, podia repetir?"(average person)
"Desculpe, não percebi, o senhor podia fazer o favor de repetir?" (person that looks like it as some kind of higher status)

when talking to a young person in the street (if the person looks respectful, I might use more polite language, if the person looks casual I'd just say it like this)
 Olha, desculpa, podias dizer-me as horas? (using casual speech not to make them feel uncomfortable)
when talking to someone 30+ in the street
Desculpe, podia dizer-me as horas? (average person)
A senhora podia fazer o favor de me dizer as horas? (person that looks like it has some kind of higher status)

In the portuguese business culture, it's normal for the boss to call the employee by it's name, and the employee call the boss by "o senhor", though I'm not sure.

The problem when we use more polite language in portuguese, unlike in japanese, is that if we use it, we're using it because we don't know the person or have no and don't want to have a relation with her. I personally feel very uncomfortable when someone talks to me very politely because I don't know how to react. Specially if it's people around my age. I get this little shock and then ask to treat them by "tu" because it's very weird, I want to make the person and myself feel comfortable too.

This is obviously also related to one's age, I feel uncomfortable if someone my age or older speaks to me using more respectful language, but when I'm older, I will probably feel uncomfortable if someone younger I don't know speaks to me in a casual manner.

For instance, I have been talking to the owner of a few (2 or 3 portuguese 中小企業 and in the beginning he told me or encouraged me to speak casually to him. I tried, but gave up even before trying, it would just be weird, he is way older and he is not my family so I'm not allowed to. Of course, he uses casual speech when addressing to me.

I have never experienced 敬語 (謙譲語、尊敬語)で話されたこと, so I really don't know how it feels. I have used it to lower myself and elevate the other person, when I talk like this I want the other person to know I'm aware of the status difference, to know that I like her, to know that I respect and value her presence, to ensure that I'm there for the person, that I can be used by the person whenever necessary.

I've also seen very times foreigners using speaking in casual style to higher status/age people, and when I hear that (and I myself do it, I'm so much more used to casual speech that I do it unintentionally, it just comes out) I just feel an inner "ouch", and start imagining the way the superior person might feel inside.

There are also times when I don't really know how to speak, for example when a person who's older than me but still in their mid/late twenties speaks to me in casual, I'm not really sure how to speak so I tend to be neutral and use 丁寧語 but end up using casual speech a lot times (again, because it comes out without thinking).