am I human?

Am I human?
I mean, seriously. Am I f****** human?

I've been dealing with people from several countries, and apparently, this "feeling other persons heart and/or "energy"" thing is normal to everyone, yet to me this is something completely new. I have only felt the heart of other four people, all asian. 3 japanese, 1 chinese.

I have been reading about it, and living it, but I think that despite all that only today, this morning, when I was talking with an american (what? friend? acquaintance? she surely abstains herself so I'm gonna stay with acquaintance) acquaintance and asked her about this.

I asked her what it meant to feel the other person's heart. This...hum...一体感.

The other day, when I met a portuguese student I asked him too about this. (though he has a Brazilian mother, and might have other education).

They both tell me they can only feel that with people they're close with.

It's like everyone around me is aware and knows, it's natural to them, but to me is something I've never dealt with before (or was never aware of it).

Do I belong to some other category of human being?

I mean, this, is not normal. if people around me, if portuguese people around me can feel everything equally, what does this make me? What am I?

I think that I am starting some kind of (re-)socialization, because it's amazing the ease at which I acquire, without realizing it, people's way of talking, acting, gestures, thinking (?).

But I've always had friends, so if this whole thing is supposed to be normal, why am I just starting "it" now? I've always been considerable sensitive to touch, even with friends that I considered as close (my concept of "close" was different of theirs, theirs was definitely better).

Starting to feel like everyone is ahead of me because they have this "skill".

Therefore, I came to think, since this morning that, I am a failure as a human being,, and I first acknowledged that this morning, and realizing it, and thinking about inside the 京阪 was, really, I mean, I was really sad and disappointed, to the point that I just wanted to be alone and let no one see my face out of shame. and because I had to make an effort to control the muscles of my face.

And ouch, actually saying/thinking this hurts. despite my writing, now, at this precise moment, being.... quite... emotionless.