PORTUGAL! (...and more boring reflections on the Japan experience)

Classes are over and within a few days I'll be flying back to Portugal for around 2 months!!!! FUCK YEAH I SO FUCKING CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!ONE111!!!!ONE!!!!!1!111!!!

I am positive that it will be the best trip I ever made. This comeback. With a renovated self. It will be like meeting my friends and family for the first time because I was deprived of my own emotions for years.

Almost one year as passed since the last time I was in Portugal. I was already on my way to a more conscious self, but still far from what I am now. 

This is were I usually meet my friends.❤ It used to have a telephone cabin.

I now have the need to go out and have more fun with my friends. Japan is a very lonely place if you have no one that understands you. No one similar to you. No friendly or caring words. No friendly physical gestures. No facial expressions (I am talking from my Portuguese perspective only). I seriously need to get to know some people with shared tastes here in Japan, but it's not that easy lol. I have no idea where to do it.

I will go back to Portugal, I will be like a fish in water again. I will know my self. My true self for real. I mean, having human interactions with people that like me, with people I can trust (in the sense that I can talk about anything, people I can hug, people who will not be offended if I deny to do something and vice versa etc).

I miss my walks! :D

I think I'm tired of being in Japan. I have no friends, I'm always alone. When I go to school I always feel uncomfortable (there's exceptions). When I'm at school the only thing I want is to come back to my home because I can be myself. Then I come back home and have to work. I have my hobbies. And thanks to them I am able to enjoy being here. But then again, I could do exactly the same thing in Portugal. But with friends and family around me. And without having to worry about money so much. 

Having no private car and having to use public transports to go to another city is just too much for me. I still can't get used to it. I honestly really dislike doing it. With a private car I would have no problems : p. OMG I MISS GOING SHOPPING FOR GROCERIES WITH MY DAD AND USING OUR CAR TO GO TO THE SUPERMARKET. Here I need to go on foot, walk arounf 15 minutes and around 25 when I come back with the stuff on my back. I get home with back pain.

My levels of comfort here in Japan have decreased greatly.

One thing I must admit though. My fears have become (or are becoming) mere discomforts. And that is great progress! 

I'm learning a lot in Japan. Seriously a lot.  Because of the obvious cultural differences that make me think. Because of my previous study of the Japanese culture and language made in Portugal, that eased the thinking process. Recently I have been analyzing the language. I love chinese characters, I love how much one word in japanese or chinese can tell us about their culture. 

Skatepark ❤

There's nothing in Japan (actually there is, but I just don't know what to do about that) that makes me feel happy. What makes me happy here is reading, watching TV, taking walks, seeing the stray cats interaction with people in the park. Learning with the translations. Nothing else. I feel the most happy when I'm with my friends. When we go out to dinner, to the movies, to play sports, to play videogames, to go to the cafe, to talk, goddammit to talk! 

Since I came here that what I feel the most is anxiety, preoccupation, stress (school, payments), etc etc. Lately I am much, much better, it's almost like I can control those feelings now. Thanks to having been reading a lot lately, on subjects such as the brain, heart, leadership etc that I have becoming able to control myself much better. For the first time in my life actually. And that too is progress! I'm no longer a person who feels helpless. I now fight back with all my strength. This is progress!

There's a person I consider my friend that is constantly "letting me know" that I should behave in a more "Japanese way". That seriously annoys me. The person has never seen me behaving as myself with people like me. The person has never seen my real me. What the person has seen is my self that is already exerting self control as a natural way of adaptation. The person does not know the instinctual effort I'm already doing because he is from a culture similar in many things to the Japanese. I understand the fact that the person knows nothing besides its own culture and the Japanese, but it's a little annoying to be constantly reminded of your "faults" despite the efforts I'm already doing. This kind of episodes leave me, already quite constrained by the discomfort even more uncomfortable.

 Breakfast Love ❤

Hometown's ex libris, Pão de ló de Ovar.

And many of you might think that this is a "normal" life, but having no positive human interaction really sucks. Before coming here I never realized it. I always saw myself as a lone wolf, but in reality I'm nothing like that. I mean, at least compared to the lone wolf I'm here in Japan.

 I am an extremely motivated person when I have people around me. People to share goals and views. Very outgoing with friends. Considerably aggressive towards people who look at me as if they don't like me. Portuguesely nice to random people with whom I need to interact.

BUT ANYWAY! I'm going back soon and will make sure I will have a lot of fun. When I come back I will make sure I bring some fun stuff I have back in Portugal (such as my sony PSP, I MISS IT SO MUCH). I made this post because I need to write a report and I'm still now sure how or what to write and it's making me a little anxious.

Sorry for the post. I was a little sad until the moment I decided to post some pics too and got my energy back ^^

Have a nice day!