I Told Myself

Ever since I was a kid that I always dreamed big. I used to read Scrooge McDuck (my favorite character, but I and also read other Disney characters comics) rather frequently and I think that my money management skills (if you can call it that) come from his influence.

I told myself I wouldn't let myself feel inferior to boys, and I did it.

I told myself I would play soccer well to play with the boys, and I did it.

I told myself I would become physically (at that time, never considered the emotional side) strong. and I did it.

I told myself I would be best at the English class, and I did it.

I told myself I would not stop at the 24 minute runs at the physical education class, and I didn't stop (unlike my girl friends and classmates).

I told myself I was going to know Japanese, and I did it.

I told myself I was going to be the best at the Japanese class, and I did it.

I told myself I would come to Japan no matter what, and I did it. 

 

"I made it by being tougher than the toughies, and smarter than the smarties! And I made it square!"

Having this said, I think I can conclude that I am competition driven. When I was in Portugal, I would look at the students at my favorite classes and feel threatned because I wanted to be the best. So I had no choice but work to be the best. They most likely couldn't care less about that, but this is how I felt. 

On one side this sucks, or at least the initial pressure and stress from feeling threatned, but the process of striving to win and accomplishing it, makes it kind of worth it, because it is in these times that I am the most creative and productive.

In Japan I don't feel this competition, I get motivated by books, and then discouraged by the confusion in my head when I think about writing a thesis. I was not made to work sitting not on a desk all day, I need constant human (and non human too) stimulation. Specially lately I feel that there's this beast inside me eagerly waiting to come out (oh no, not again...! haha) and be put working somewhere where I can just do something to help making some product or company more profitable. But of course incentives are necessary.

I also told myself I would be someone important at a company, will the pattern continue?

“Being confident and believing in your own self-worth is necessary to achieving your potential.”
― Sheryl Sandberg