Adeus, meu Portugal

Well, I'm leaving Portugal in less than 2 days (29th at like 6am Portuguese time).
I loved being here.

Since entering the path of self consciousness that I've been slowly learning about myself.
And coming back allowed me to understand my own culture better, through my new eyes. And thinking about how I think and how other people think has also been enlightening.

There's a mix of feelings when I think of coming back to Japan. I'm sad and very apprehensive because my (concious) self is now aware that I feel good in Portugal, and that in Japan I'm not particularly happy. Being alone almost all the time and having almost no one to motivate me can be hard. "Motivate" as in, "just be there" or remind me that things are not as bad as I might be thinking in that moment.

On the flip side, if I think about the future possibilities I get very motivated and unafraid. Lately I barely think negatively, but sometimes I remember how challenging it has been living in Japan and start getting the blues (when I start thinking about school/jobs/money), specially because, as I said before, I have no one to comfort or motivate me, being constantly alone. I like being alone, but in times like this it's always nice to have a comforting voice just so that the mood disappears faster.

I read this week something like "getting comfortable with the uncomfortable", and at least when I'm optimistic I think that I have mastered that concept.

I'm been reading for the past months about the brain (deep pathologies) and emotions, and I think I'm getting better when it comes to emotional intelligence. If some time ago I barely had it (was not aware for some years but my behaviors were kind of automatized) now I think I can get the hang of it much more easily.
With this much reading I think I could be called some kind of psychoanalyst newbie. And I also think I'm a bit of an empath.

Let's be the strongest I can be, and see how it goes.

 

(@Aveiro)