work and fun. and associated procrastination. is it really that bad?

I have another theory. And realized it today. The epiphanies I've been having lately are the result of the accumulated thinking, recollecting and experiencing that I've been doing ever since I came here, the Land of the Rising Sun, Japan.

Today, while I was writing a kind of report and the results of a survey I had to make like a month ago for the 文章力 class (which subject was 留学と睡眠との関係) I found out myself procrastinating. But this procrastination was different.
I tend to emphasize a lot work and productivity, but truth of the matter is that, by giving it to much importance I start fearing it even before I start. Which undoubtedly makes me nervous and scared of the result and since I fear the result I fear doing it. And makes me end up procrastinating. In doing nothing. Yes, this is a big failure. I acknowledge it.
BUT, as I wrote before, today's procrastination was different. And it's outcome came out way better that the outcome of the other meaningless procrastinations.
Today I procrastinated alright, but this time I did it confident. I did it trusting in myself, trusting in the fact that despite being, well, procrastinating, that I would end the work. And I did. Actually, way sooner and way effectively than the works I have done so far.

But why? You ask.

Well, what I thing that has been happening with me lately is that my mind is getting more open. As a result, things I would consider before a waste of time, are actually, not that much a waste of time. things such as playing videogames, watching tv series, you know those things. that people usually do when they are bored, or simply because they enjoy doing it.

That's what I have also been doing lately. And it indeed feels better than being thinking and worrying about reports I used to believe I couldn't do. Because belief is the root of the problem here.

(It's actually half past midnight here in Japan, and I'm quite inspired, I believe it is because I drank coffee for three times today and probably because I'm more excited than ever, finally. Or is it because of something else...? I'm not really sure, and I really get confused with all this, I never know if it's caffeine, adrenaline, the heater's or someone's influence on my that get my heart rate up)

Up until now, I believed I had immense trouble with writing. I remember the essays I had to write in tests during high school. Man, I feared those the most. I could never find a proper way to talk about what they asked. Or so I believed. Again, and I think I have written about this before. I don't remember having feedback on my essays style of writing nor creativity. I also don't get that feedback here. For whatever class it is. Because we have to write texts/reports for pretty much every class. But we are only given feedback on our grammatical mistakes. Not on style. And I get it.

Anyway, as I was writing, I always thought that I was inferior to my classmates. Even though I hated admitting it. But truth of the matter is, we are really, pretty much the same.

Point is. And I'm going to be short on this, but only because I'm dying to go take a walk and let all this  adrenaline or whatever it is go away. If you believe in you, than there's no problem in procrastinating as long as you enjoy it and are sure you can meet the deadline without having to pull an all-nighter.

Yes. Procrastination. The thing we all fear, yet at the same time the thing we all wish.

(1. and as a side note. I'm getting better at identifying my feelings. some time ago, and sorry for the spoiler for those who haven't watched the show but, Desperate Housewives's Mike Delfino died. I was Devastated. I mean devastated. He was such a nice guy and his wife Susan's speech at the funeral was so beautiful that I couldn't help but get really, really emotional - just to put it in other words if you know what I mean.)

(2. just as a side note two. I just hope that you have caught the reference to Desperate Housewives in the last line - line, not sentence, line - of this text, excluding the sidenotes. And yes, I really have a fondness for this show as some of you might have already noticed it, no wonder, been watching it since 2004, and only have a few episodes until ending the last season, so I'm kind sad, but grateful at the same time for being able to watch and grow with it)