emotions

Ideally I want to make this a big but concise post. But it's almost midnight and I'm tired so don't get your hopes too high.

After living here for some months, after feeling a lot of things without understanding what (either emotions or other people - later) I finally realized something I had been saying already for some time, and that it was true for one emotion only. I can now recognize my emotions. Before I could only recognize one, but now I think I can recognize all or at least almost. I actually will read (study) on the several existent emotions just to make sure I'm able to recognize them all.

There are still a lot of things I don't understand, but by talking to people, living here, feeling other people, eating delicious food, feeling the weather more intensively, and probably by so many other things, that I have become able to read myself.

Living here and acknowledging that indeed everyone thinks and acts differently, and trying to understand the differences in order to behave accordingly had made me research more or less on several subjects. Yet another thing that has also helped has been the fact that I've been reading things on leadership and other business skills, even though I think this doesn't have a direct influence on what's happening to me, I think it does on a more unconscious level. 

 Thing is you know..., my mind opened.

I still haven't read much on this and probably won't during the next two weeks (GOING TO CHINA TO MEET SOME FRIENDS! FUCK YEAH!Leaving after tomorrow btw) but I can ensure you that I will read more. On this and on the human body. More specifically, the human...the human what? Aura? Aura I guess.

And the way people are, directly influences how people around an individual behave. I will not be very specific on this because I don't want to. This is something only those who know this my self or those who are yet to know this my self will experience.

I've been through quite a lot. And somehow I was always able to supress my emotions because, 意外と, I have a lot of pride and don't like to admit failure. And speaking of which, I did not pass JLPT1, the part that I though it was the easiest was the one that, ironically, I didn't pass. Anyways, as I was saying, I somehow have been able to repress my emotions since, like, I remember? Or I just didn't had emotional support as I grew. Or most likely, both.

I said before that I could feel one emotion, but actually not only one (and this one I'm not allowed to say, at least directly :) ) but two, the other one I felt every now and then was confidence, specially after 筋トレ. But it didn't the effect didn't last long.

So, I'm going to China, come back to Japan for two days and then I'm leaving again to Portugal. So this will, I am sure, going to be very, well, emotional. I'm sure I'll be living a whole lot of emotions during the next month, so I'm really, really curious to see how it'll be.

so, kind of tired. お休みなさい！