me, myself and I

So, as I said on twitter some days ago, I'm going to write about my theory, about myself, as selfish as it might sound. I still don't know how I'm going to write this, so I'll just go with the flow. I'm at a japanese friend's bedroom drinking "calpis sour" and eating peanuts and that sort of snacks. How cool is that? will start doing this in Portugal too.

Let's start.

Since I was a child and since I started watching movies that I've been idealizing a life such as the lives of those people who appear on the movies, in cities like New York or LA, working in really tall buildings, inside offices with great views and all that. Since forever. Besides movies, I also read hungrily disney's Scrooge Mcduck's and Donald Duck's comincs. I remember once, I was sitting on my dad's car reading that while going to a mall in the city of Gaia and I suddently got this sudden strengh, "oh I wanna be like him" and such. Point here is, I grew up stongly influenced by this american competitiveness, ambition, materialism, wealthiness = ideal, entrepreneurship, arrogance, time = money = no can waste time, aggressiveness, efficiency, patriotism (not to my own country though) culture, ideas. And I've been realizing that lately.

Making unconscious and conscious comparisons between Japan and Portugal and reading (USA) articles on twitter made go back to thinking and go back to those concepts I've been idealizing since forever.
I don't really know where Myself is the middle of all this, but what I feel is that I have a stronger, way stronger personality than that most of my friends know or have seen. Somehow studying japanese and japanese culture made me supress those ideas from my head, I started having new ideals, and thinking Japan is the best place, that the japanese mentality is the best in the world. As it happens, and after being here for four months (as of today) I've been realizing now only Japan's virtues and faults as I've been noticing my country's onw's. I've been feeling things I never felt before, I've become really sensitive to a lot of things and became able to read myself. Basically  I now can recognize (not always) what I'm feeling.

I sometimes feel quite empowered, those times are awesome, but here in Japan everyone around me feels it so it's kind of weird, and I have to suppress, or at least try whatever that is.

What I mean with this post is that, I think I've found myself. And ever since, that sometimes portuguese and english 口癖 come out. It only started after I started feeling this, lately. It's kind of weird and I don't know if I'm explaining myself properly and if whoever's reading this will understand what I mean here. Probably not.