Capt. Charisma

With all the reading I've been doing, I guess I could say that my ultimate goal is to completely control myself. I intend on continue doing this (don't know if I could call it...) intensive reading, until at least I start working (after I get a real job I will continue, of course, but probably not this "intensive").  Having no internet on my mobile phone has helped me immensely with reading. Though I only used my phone to read the news (business insider, the economist, and the likes).

Well, anyway, I started reading a book on charisma, "The Charisma Myth", and have realized a few things about...life. Perception. Human beings. Mind. Brain.Human relationships. Words. The power of words in our perception and feelings.

Sometimes people get surprised at for example, my resistance (whether at sports, study, whatever), and I never really understood why people reacted that way. I didn't see it as a big deal. And I refused compliments. After all I did nothing extraordinary.

Thing is, the way oneself reacts will affect how one feels. And I honestly don't remember what it feels like winning. Or the feeling of accomplishment after some hard task got completed. Perhaps its just me, that still really haven't done anything surprising, or it might be the way I react to things (thanking, but not actually believing in the compliment) that has been blocking those feelings from me.

I have probably written before that I wanted that feeling or that I like that feeling. But actually, it was just for the story. And I say this because lately I have been having more positive feelings. I have been reading different things online (mostly thanks to StumbleUpon, that get's me always awesome articles that make my brain feel more fulfilled and excited) and reading more for my research, and in Japanese!

And I realized that people like Liz Lemon make me feel good. I still dream of being able to work in a work environment like hers...(and I don't even know if that's even possible or not, after all "30 Rock" is a TV show...