my Dog

So. Here I am. Sitting in the usual place where I have breakfast some days a week. I've been avoiding to write about this at all costs, but it has just become impossible to endure.
Before coming here I took a long walk, wearing my sunglasses that make me look like a badass. While in fact I just wanted to hide my eyes. Now I'm here, without my suglasses, making an herculean effort not to let tears shed through my face while listening to this japanese girl called 里中なこ, who I have no clue on what she does for a living,, but downloaded her podcast anyway because it was in the "comedy" podcasts section. And again, drinking one "latte".

This is really hard you know.

 

my dog as a puppy

Truth of the matter is that my dog has been sick for some months now. But for the past month or so that she's been getting gradually worse.
Today I saw my dog, my 10 year dog lying on my couch, shaking. and then I saw her again after lunch. I think her spirit was already not here that time. I was stiff like a rock. Don't want anyone to think I'm weak, so I usually act like I don't care, or that I'm not affected by the situation, but in fact I do care and I do am affected.

(涙が流れた。And my chin is shaky too. and my face muscles are contracting. I should put my sunglasses on.)

 I have been expecting this day for some time, so this is kinda hard, but I came to get used to the idea, not intentionally, but just because.
Anyway. I'm glad I could speak to my dog before going to Japan. At least I could say goodbye.

For you, who are reading this. You probably don't know me in person. You probably couldn't care less about my dog.. But anyway. I just want you to know that my dog absolutely ruled. Even though she was small (in size) and a bit stupid (just like any dog), she was the greatest dog ever.